It's only gone well for me a couple of times, you see, and while I suppose it might make everyone feel a bit vulnerable I've got some fairly extreme reasons for it doing so for me. Try having your wife of 20 years call you a demon, or another drink herself to death merely because of what you are. I've been shot by a wife, stabbed by lovers--metaphorically and literally, tossed off of cliffs, thrown into cages, deserted, cheated on, tortured, killed, and nevermind that even if they do prove to be true and faithful and someone I can depend on, inevitably they are going to die and leave me to go on alone, helpless to keep them with me, dealing with loss once again.
So when I say that love makes me feel "vulnerable" I might be understating it just a bit.
I do not trust easily, not anymore. Perhaps it would be better if I did not love easily, either. I know it's no good for me. I know it inevitably ends with me hurting one way or another. The adage "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" only brings so much comfort after a certain number of losses. But the heart still yearns for companionship, even mine. I dislike being alone more than I dislike being left, and so I allow myself to fall, again and again, as if by some magic spell this time it will be different. Somehow this time it will work out. Or at least, for a while, I can dream, and live in the present and not think about tomorrow.
Except I fail at not thinking of tomorrow, and so there is always a part of me that is waiting for that day to come when it all ends, because it always ends, and I hate myself for it, and wish, somehow, somedays, I could stop it all together, be as cold as they all think I am, and rid myself of the last shreds of a heart. Life would be so much easier, then.