[10spot] 059 -- Ten People You've Hurt

[changehistory]

1. Hiro
2. Kaito
3. Angela
4. Victoria
5. Arthur
6. Bob
7. Elle
8. Peter
9. Yaeko
10. Jack

Some I'm even sorry for. Some. Possibly half, but do not attempt to hold me to that.

Comments

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

I can't stand the thought of that.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Then we must stop it. It's only within our power to stop it.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

How?

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

I am not sure. Part of me is so full of rage that not even the world is large enough to hold it. Yet another part is very tired. It does not want to fight, but it has no strength to calm the rage. Then there is the guilt. It tells me I deserve every hurt you give me, that every new pain I inflict on you needs you to hurt me to make it right.

I love you. I hate you. And more than anything I hate myself.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

I know those last three feelings well.

Parts of me want to destroy you. And parts...I am so tired of being angry. I have been angry, and hurting and without you for too long. But I don't know how to forgive.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Forgiving is hard, Kensei. I want to do the same, but it chokes me to even think of saying anything like that.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

So here we stand, both of us having done the unforgivable? I believed, once, that nothing was. Perhaps further proof, then, for you, that I am not god.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

*Hiro gives him a lopsided smile.* None of us are gods. If we were, we would probably have destroyed the world long ago. As to forgiving, why did you have to kill him? I betrayed you as well and I'm still alive. Or is that what you want - me dead?

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

*Adam shrugs* You betrayed me, yes. You turned on me and ripped me deeper than I thought it was possible to heal from. But you left me free, you gave me room to wander, to figure out who I was without you, what ... You gave me life. He took it away. He took everything and didn't even leave me with hope. Just four small walls and a daily dose of torture when they felt like conducting experiments, or seeing just what I would come back from, how my body worked. He condemned me to that, and he would have left me there for all eternity, had Peter not come along.

At least that was my reasoning, then. Now...I don't know. I should kill you for the coffin, by that reasoning, shouldn't I?

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Yes, by that reasoning you should. The coffin was my way of making you suffer what you did to my father. To know what he faced, even if he wasn't alive to see it or feel it. I wanted you to truly understand what we non-immortals fear.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Yes, carp. I rather gathered that.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

That transparent, eh? I know it was cruel and that my judgement has been clouded by rage. I couldn't see anything beyond my anger.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

And now?

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Perhaps not quite so much?

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

That's...mildly reassuring.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Time takes the edge off of anger.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

So they tell me.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

You are still angry at me? As much as you were when you refused to take my hand?

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Yes. Though more now for the coffin than Yaeko.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

I deserve that. So, what will you do now? You have your sword.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

I told you I wouldn't kill you. Beyond that...I do not know.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Bleed me? Make me give up something to your anger?

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

What would you give? What would you ask of me to satisfy yours?

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

It would depend on what you asked for. Certain things you may ask for may not be mine to give. I don't know that mine can be satisfied and I may just have to live with that fact.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Can you live with it? It doesn't sound as if it gives us anywhere to go, to move forward.