changehistory | Convenient, if a flawed description of who I am

Convenient, if a flawed description of who I am

I am not dead inside and unable to love. I just find it highly inconvenient when I do so.

Shortcomings are better than "unable to love" and "quest for destruction." Destruction was only a means to an end, not the end itself. No one understands.

Well, yes, that's true. I'm getting tired of being labeled as easily led, though. Most clueless. Whatever. Even if I am. *sighs*

I'm trying to understand -- it's just that I can't wrap my head around the thought that killing a bunch of people could be a good thing. Maybe it's because both times now I've been an integral part of something that would hurt so many people, and I don't like hurting people... Maybe if I wasn't so close to it I'd be able to look at it intellectually instead of just reacting emotionally. I don't know. But one thing I do know -- you're most definitely able to love.

I can see how that would be tiring.

Something...somethings you have to see. To experience. To watch as it all disintegrates around you...

You think so? The love part, I mean.

It's... I don't want to watch things disintegrate around me, Adam. My mother and Linderman wanted me to blow up and destroy the city I call home. If it hadn't been for Nathan, I would have murdered all of those people... for what? Things like nuclear explosions and viruses -- they don't only kill the guilty. They kill everyone, guilty and innocent alike, and god, all that potential, lost... There's got to be a better way. I can't believe I have all of this power just to destroy...

*softly* I know so. Empath, remember?

But they will. Every year, every decade this world gets closer and closer to destroying itself without any chance, any plan for survival and rebirth on the other side. When it dissolves into nuclear war and destroys not only the people, but the resources, taking away chances of rebuilding as even survivors have nothing to eat and must endure a nuclear winter....What then? It's coming. The signs are all around and growing stronger that it is coming. Maybe not this year, this decade, but I would almost be willing to lay odds that it will be this century or next.

...Ah.

That's why we have to help. It's a cliche, but we have to... use our powers for good -- that has to be why we have them. I can't believe there's any other reason for it. I just-- we've been so focused on ourselves because of the Company and all the rest of it, but we have to be here to help. And it's got to be why there seem to be more of us popping up all over the place, and manifesting younger and younger, too.

Do you think so?

I don't know how this stuff works -- where the mutation is coming from. But it's obvious to me, too, that the world needs help -- and all of a sudden here are people who actually can help! If we're not here to help, then... *shakes head* Like my niece once said, the world can't be that lame.

I tried. I thought, if I could get everyone together, we could work together and do something good, all of us. But you see how well that turned out with your parents' generation.

We'll try again. I'll try again. If you and Charles believed I could do it, then I have to try, don't I?

I suppose you do. Maybe they'll listen to you...

From what I can tell, they listened to you until they got greedy. I don't know if that'll happen again. I know I'm... a bit of a hopeless idealist, but I'd like to think maybe we can get it right this time...

I want to. I really do, Peter. You have to believe that.

*softly* I do.

*small nod, watching him, hand starting to reach for him, then falling*

*reaches out to take his hand, meets his gaze* What?

*slight shake of his head*

I don't know.

*tightens his grip; slight telekinetic pressure against Adam's back pushes him closer*

Where are you staying, now?

*soft gasp at the feel of the pressure, moving at its urging*

I have a flat in Alphabet City.

*wraps an arm around his waist, leans in close and whispers* I'm not good enough at this yet to bring us someplace I'm not familiar with. Will you let me read enough to know where to go?

*small faint nod, actively attempting to let him in*

ooc: head over here so you don't have to lock this post ;)

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Convenient, if a flawed description of who I am

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