Rebuilding from the ashes (for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
notacargojet)
Oct. 12th, 2009 09:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
changehistoryAdam was still in possibly the world's worst mood--which didn't, in general, bode well for the world--but he tried to stifle it, push it down, go on as if things were fine. Nathan wanted to spend time with him, which meant, at the least, that what he'd been doing these last few months hadn't been for nothing. He'd done this before, after all. Oh, not with so many people, or so many twisted up complications, but the family with the normal life, and fitting into society without the grandiose schemes...he'd done this before. Why it didn't fit now, why it left him unable to sleep and seething with a leashed fury now, he didn't know. Probably the last thirty years had something to do with it, but for all that he encouraged Claire to talk about her trauma and not keep it bottled up, he didn't have words for his own.
It would be so much easier if he didn't care. If he could just play them all like some well-tuned orchestra. He'd started down that course, startled at how easy it was, but somewhere along the way he'd found himself sucked in to things he'd never really had, things that went far beyond any shadow of a normal life, and now the whole lot of them seemed off message, and him with them and that couldn't be allowed.
He needed to regain control, of himself and of them, to be working toward something more than wedding bells and vacations, and today was the first step of that. The other night with Sylar had been...blowing off steam, he told himself, but not really practical for him beyond strengthening the bond with the boy which was always useful. This, though...today could be different, good, a step forward for himself. So long as Nathan didn't ask about Peter, they'd do just fine.
Tugging his wool coat a bit more snug around him in the morning chill, he rang the bell at Nathan's house, hoping he was ready. They had time to snag a coffee and walk to meet the realtor, and then it was on toward building a future for all of them. Or that's what Adam was hanging on to like his last thread of sanity, at least.
It would be so much easier if he didn't care. If he could just play them all like some well-tuned orchestra. He'd started down that course, startled at how easy it was, but somewhere along the way he'd found himself sucked in to things he'd never really had, things that went far beyond any shadow of a normal life, and now the whole lot of them seemed off message, and him with them and that couldn't be allowed.
He needed to regain control, of himself and of them, to be working toward something more than wedding bells and vacations, and today was the first step of that. The other night with Sylar had been...blowing off steam, he told himself, but not really practical for him beyond strengthening the bond with the boy which was always useful. This, though...today could be different, good, a step forward for himself. So long as Nathan didn't ask about Peter, they'd do just fine.
Tugging his wool coat a bit more snug around him in the morning chill, he rang the bell at Nathan's house, hoping he was ready. They had time to snag a coffee and walk to meet the realtor, and then it was on toward building a future for all of them. Or that's what Adam was hanging on to like his last thread of sanity, at least.
