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Patient: Adam Monroe
Fandom: Heroes
Words: 960
Partner: Peter Petrelli (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
heroicpotential)
If we break up, it will probably be because...
Either I screwed it up again in any number of ways and he finally lost patience, or because Nathan asked him to end it.
I've done a lot to hurt him. I used him to further my own agenda. I kept my past relationship with his mother a secret, though I did tell him when it resumed. I didn't tell him it was a possibility I was his brother's biological father. I tried to destroy the world. I went after Bob without bringing him along. He thinks I don't get it, don't see how my actions have hurt him, the wounds I've inflicted, but I do. I know all too well what I've become through the years. I'm the one who lives with the chill of it inside of me every day. The isolation, of always being outside, always being the one who has to survive not just those I love, but the world itself, who always keeps going...it's taken its toll. I know I see the world in a way most would say is very fucked up. I know I tend to keep up walls to keep anyone from getting too close. I know I keep my own counsel. I'm not used to confiding in people. It's never done me any good, and has, in fact, caused a great deal of harm in the past. I learned not to trust, not to open more of myself than necessary, how to give little while seeming to give everything.
I know too well what I am. And although I would like to change, even though I am trying to change, for both him and for Nathan, I don't know if I will be successful. I don't know when something might set me off and I'll fall back to what seems to be my natural instincts now. I hope never, but I'm too much of a cynic, I suppose. But I try. I believe in him, in his power to change the world, and if he can do that, if he can truly save the world, there's a chance he can even save me. But I know change doesn't come fast. There's centuries of damage to heal, and I worry he'll lose patience, or that he'll see setbacks as me not caring, not trying. That he'll get tired of waiting, that I will fuck up again, hurt him again, and he'll be gone.
( And under all of that is the sure knowledge that even if I am absolutely perfect, everything he dreams I could be, the perfect lover, the hero, the considerate one who puts him first, and shares everything he needs me to share, and opens up and really lets him in...it could all end on one word. )
Fandom: Heroes
Words: 960
Partner: Peter Petrelli (
heroicpotential)If we break up, it will probably be because...
Either I screwed it up again in any number of ways and he finally lost patience, or because Nathan asked him to end it.
I've done a lot to hurt him. I used him to further my own agenda. I kept my past relationship with his mother a secret, though I did tell him when it resumed. I didn't tell him it was a possibility I was his brother's biological father. I tried to destroy the world. I went after Bob without bringing him along. He thinks I don't get it, don't see how my actions have hurt him, the wounds I've inflicted, but I do. I know all too well what I've become through the years. I'm the one who lives with the chill of it inside of me every day. The isolation, of always being outside, always being the one who has to survive not just those I love, but the world itself, who always keeps going...it's taken its toll. I know I see the world in a way most would say is very fucked up. I know I tend to keep up walls to keep anyone from getting too close. I know I keep my own counsel. I'm not used to confiding in people. It's never done me any good, and has, in fact, caused a great deal of harm in the past. I learned not to trust, not to open more of myself than necessary, how to give little while seeming to give everything.
I know too well what I am. And although I would like to change, even though I am trying to change, for both him and for Nathan, I don't know if I will be successful. I don't know when something might set me off and I'll fall back to what seems to be my natural instincts now. I hope never, but I'm too much of a cynic, I suppose. But I try. I believe in him, in his power to change the world, and if he can do that, if he can truly save the world, there's a chance he can even save me. But I know change doesn't come fast. There's centuries of damage to heal, and I worry he'll lose patience, or that he'll see setbacks as me not caring, not trying. That he'll get tired of waiting, that I will fuck up again, hurt him again, and he'll be gone.
( And under all of that is the sure knowledge that even if I am absolutely perfect, everything he dreams I could be, the perfect lover, the hero, the considerate one who puts him first, and shares everything he needs me to share, and opens up and really lets him in...it could all end on one word. )
