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Dec. 17th, 2007
[TM] 209: What are you afraid of?
Dec. 17th, 2007 11:20 amThere are few things left to fear, after so long. Even death holds no more than a passing curiosity, a wondering if it is even possible, truly and utterly. Death would be peace, and perhaps salvation. It ceases to mean anything. I do not wish for it, and given the chance, I would fight for my own survival. But I do not fear it.
Captivity is boredom, something to escape, but there is no fear in it, because there is always hope. There are always your captors to torment, or seduce. There is time to plan and time to hone skills you might be too busy for were you out wandering the world. It is not something to fear.
Loneliness is a constant presence in a life so long. Once, I feared it—to face century after century with no one by my side. It holds no allure now, mind you. To have a companion by my side, someone to walk the world with through time is a dream that will never grow cold, never die. But I do not fear it not coming true. I have been alone for 400 years and if I am alone for the next 400, I will persevere.
I told him, once, what my greatest fear was. In a passing moment of intimacy when I thought I had found what I never fully grasped that I had lost. When the walls were down and plans were meaningless and time stilled to carve out a moment of truth in passion.
It is one I would suspect haunt any person of an unnatural length of life. Walls tight around you. The earth pressing down upon you. No one knowing where you are but those who put you there, and no one to speak to, no hope of turning a head or changing a mind. You cannot manipulate or charm your way out of a grave. You can scream, but no one will hear you. There is no room to move, and the silence is deafening. Air seeps out, then in, and you die and revive and die and revive and you’ve no idea how long it has been. Days. Years. Centuries. It is endless. It is torture. It is terror incarnate. It is worse than death could ever be.
And knowing all of that: It is the perfect revenge.
Apparently I taught him far too well.
Captivity is boredom, something to escape, but there is no fear in it, because there is always hope. There are always your captors to torment, or seduce. There is time to plan and time to hone skills you might be too busy for were you out wandering the world. It is not something to fear.
Loneliness is a constant presence in a life so long. Once, I feared it—to face century after century with no one by my side. It holds no allure now, mind you. To have a companion by my side, someone to walk the world with through time is a dream that will never grow cold, never die. But I do not fear it not coming true. I have been alone for 400 years and if I am alone for the next 400, I will persevere.
I told him, once, what my greatest fear was. In a passing moment of intimacy when I thought I had found what I never fully grasped that I had lost. When the walls were down and plans were meaningless and time stilled to carve out a moment of truth in passion.
It is one I would suspect haunt any person of an unnatural length of life. Walls tight around you. The earth pressing down upon you. No one knowing where you are but those who put you there, and no one to speak to, no hope of turning a head or changing a mind. You cannot manipulate or charm your way out of a grave. You can scream, but no one will hear you. There is no room to move, and the silence is deafening. Air seeps out, then in, and you die and revive and die and revive and you’ve no idea how long it has been. Days. Years. Centuries. It is endless. It is torture. It is terror incarnate. It is worse than death could ever be.
And knowing all of that: It is the perfect revenge.
Apparently I taught him far too well.
Nice:
1. Healed Nathan's burns.
2. Got Peter away from the Company.
3. Did not kill Hiro.
4. Did not kill Angela.
5. Helped Elle learn what it is to feel appreciated and wanted.
6. Am letting Bob have one more Christmas with his daughter.
7. Am considering giving an orphan a new family for the holidays.
8. Promised Jack to be very good next year.Did not define parameters of "very good".
Naughty:
1. Killed Kaito.
2. Killed Victoria.
3. Sent Maury after Angela to terrorize her.
4. Was not 100% honest with Peter.
5. Dropped the vial when Hiro grabbed me. Though can accidents be classed as naughty?
6. Have convinced possibly far too many people that, "You're my number one."Mun: Stupid Verizon commercial now makes me fall off couch laughing.
7. Am considering giving an orphan a new family for the holidays.
8. Promised Angela to be very bad next year.Did not define parameters of "very bad".
Honestly, I think it all pans out fairly evenly.
1. Healed Nathan's burns.
2. Got Peter away from the Company.
3. Did not kill Hiro.
4. Did not kill Angela.
5. Helped Elle learn what it is to feel appreciated and wanted.
6. Am letting Bob have one more Christmas with his daughter.
7. Am considering giving an orphan a new family for the holidays.
8. Promised Jack to be very good next year.
Naughty:
1. Killed Kaito.
2. Killed Victoria.
3. Sent Maury after Angela to terrorize her.
4. Was not 100% honest with Peter.
5. Dropped the vial when Hiro grabbed me. Though can accidents be classed as naughty?
6. Have convinced possibly far too many people that, "You're my number one."
7. Am considering giving an orphan a new family for the holidays.
8. Promised Angela to be very bad next year.
Honestly, I think it all pans out fairly evenly.
OOC -- Holiday Travel Plans
Dec. 17th, 2007 11:52 amHey everyone--just a heads up to those I play with:
I am flying to Hawaii this Wednesday morning, and will be there through the 29th. Now, my parents have internet (wireless even!), so it's not like I'll be gone-gone, but neither will I be sitting around the house on the computer all day. Already, Thursday I'm golfing with Daddy, Friday I'm hiking with a friend, Saturday we're beaching it with my aunt, Sunday we're flying to the Big Island for 3 days, etc. On the Big Island we'll be at a resort where I honestly DON'T know if I'll have access, so I may be without any email let alone LJ access the 23rd-26th.
I know everyone's slow over the holidays in general, but as much as I'm usually around I wanted to give a head's up about my absence. If I get even one tag in a day, it might be a miracle some days, but I'm not forgetting anyone.
Most of y'all who might need to get a hold of me have the cell #, and I will definitely be textable throughout the time I'm away. Hell, if you want the number to text (or call) sometime, just ask. I'm pretty liberal with it. *g*
I can't think of anything that can't wait a few days for me to get back to email, but just wanted to say--"If you email from the 23rd-26th, it might be a few days before I get to it. Not ignoring you--just don't have a way to check." And I might be slow tagging starting today even as I still need to get done with Xmas shopping/making of gifts, packing, Yuletide fic writing AND have rehearsals tonight. So. Yes. Flailing a bit over here right now. :-)
Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, Blessed Yule or Happy Winter Holiday of your choice. *G*
I am flying to Hawaii this Wednesday morning, and will be there through the 29th. Now, my parents have internet (wireless even!), so it's not like I'll be gone-gone, but neither will I be sitting around the house on the computer all day. Already, Thursday I'm golfing with Daddy, Friday I'm hiking with a friend, Saturday we're beaching it with my aunt, Sunday we're flying to the Big Island for 3 days, etc. On the Big Island we'll be at a resort where I honestly DON'T know if I'll have access, so I may be without any email let alone LJ access the 23rd-26th.
I know everyone's slow over the holidays in general, but as much as I'm usually around I wanted to give a head's up about my absence. If I get even one tag in a day, it might be a miracle some days, but I'm not forgetting anyone.
Most of y'all who might need to get a hold of me have the cell #, and I will definitely be textable throughout the time I'm away. Hell, if you want the number to text (or call) sometime, just ask. I'm pretty liberal with it. *g*
I can't think of anything that can't wait a few days for me to get back to email, but just wanted to say--"If you email from the 23rd-26th, it might be a few days before I get to it. Not ignoring you--just don't have a way to check." And I might be slow tagging starting today even as I still need to get done with Xmas shopping/making of gifts, packing, Yuletide fic writing AND have rehearsals tonight. So. Yes. Flailing a bit over here right now. :-)
Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, Blessed Yule or Happy Winter Holiday of your choice. *G*
(no subject)
Dec. 17th, 2007 02:30 pmApparently computers can get infected with viruses, which is just bizarre.
Apparently mine has.
I keep getting windows popping up with all sorts of things I have no interest in seeing, let alone hearing.
How do I make it stop?
ooc: Coming out of discussion with Angela where she attempted to explain safe internet surfing and safe sex at the same time, both of which baffled Adam to no end.
Apparently mine has.
I keep getting windows popping up with all sorts of things I have no interest in seeing, let alone hearing.
How do I make it stop?
ooc: Coming out of discussion with Angela where she attempted to explain safe internet surfing and safe sex at the same time, both of which baffled Adam to no end.
