changehistory: (Hiro --More than a friend)
[personal profile] changehistory
It was all he could concentrate on, truly. Just today, just this breath, just this moment.

If he thought about the past, he could feel the coffin still, close around him. Reaching back he found the cold air on a rooftop, the shock in brown eyes, the fall, the crash, the smell and feel of blood and pain. Further, there were thirty years, the taste of betrayal as father followed in his son's footsteps. There was a reverse legacy there that shadowed his centuries, stretching out its arm to touch everything he tried to do.

If he thought of the future, he felt a tremor of fear run over him. There was too much history, too much darkness, too much they had to overcome. Betrayal, death, darkness, loss. They couldn't go back to those times when they just were together in the sun, in an unspoiled world, with Hiro's hero worship, and his struggling to be the man the boy saw when he looked at him. They could simulate it, perhaps, but they couldn't really go back. He wasn't Kensei anymore, and the things he'd done had changed the boy he knew when he was, in just a short time. He'd driven Hiro to do things that he could feel shattering that sweet, enthusiastic soul. If he looked too far in the future, followed the lines of the changes that could happen...it was the same shadow with no sense of how to change it.

So he concentrated on today. On now. On the rise and fall of Hiro's chest as he slept fitfully next to him. On getting through the day without lashing out, hurting him again. On staying, not walking out the door and away from the tangled mess they were together. On not taking the final step, for either of them.

It was all he could do, and if he let himself think about tomorrow at all, he only allowed it to be a prayer that it would go as well as today.

Date: 2008-06-28 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro's hands move more towards his spine, fingers not digging in quite as much until he gets to the lumbar area, where his thumbs begin to work on the muscles and more delicately over the spinal cord. There isn't quite as much tension here as in his shoulders, but that doesn't stop him from working it thoroughly. He steals a glance up at Adam's face, seeing some conflict there, but he won't push. Adam will tell him if he wants to. Pushing him only leads to arguements and hurt feelings.

Date: 2008-07-07 05:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
There are things he just can't let go and share, things he simply cannot say. Some are things he knows wouldn't be received well, others are just...things no one is allowed to see, things even he doesn't examine too closely.

He keeps his eyes closed, letting Hiro's hands work to ease the surface tension out, at least, to drive back today's darker thoughts, to let him pretend everything is all right.

Date: 2008-07-08 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro moves down to his glutes, kneading the big muscles thoroughly before he goes first down one leg, paying a lot of attention to his thigh, calf and foot then up the other with the same thoroughness. When he is finished, he pulls the cover over Adam to keep the muscles warm. He moves up until he's sitting with his back against the headboard.

Date: 2008-07-14 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam gives him a bit of a smile, not opening his eyes, just letting the warmth sit inside of him for a bit. "Thank you, carp."

Date: 2008-07-15 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro is wearing a small mysterious smile. "You're quite welcome." He stretches a bit, not tired, but reviving his muscles. "Do you dream when you sleep?"

Date: 2008-07-18 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"Of course," Adam said, rolling a bit to peer at him. "Doesn't everyone?"

Date: 2008-07-19 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"I wasn't sure if you would need to. Since your brain repairs itself, it might not need the release of dreaming." He looks at Adam. "What is the worst dream you've ever had?"

Date: 2008-08-04 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"Physically, no. But even I can't just process everything mentally without it," he said with a slight shrug. "It's the only reason I really sleep anymore." He watched Hiro for a moment, then shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

Date: 2008-08-05 12:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"How much sleep do you need to dream?" He figures that dreams are another taboo subject.

Date: 2008-08-08 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"A couple of hours, I suppose," Adam said with a slight shrug. "If I do sleep, it's usually at least for 4-5."

Date: 2008-08-09 04:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"I wish I didn't have to sleep so long," Hiro says wistfully. "I feel like I lose so much time when I sleep."

Date: 2008-08-29 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"But you can get it back," Adam points out, pragmatically.

Date: 2008-08-30 09:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"That is true, but, still, it feels extraneous at times." He's flexing his toes, stretching leg muscles. "I would envy your ability to do without it for long stretches, but then there are aspects of it I wouldn't want."

Date: 2008-09-04 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"I wish I could sleep, sometimes," Adam said, quietly.

Date: 2008-09-05 07:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"I would sing you a lullaby to help, but you want to sleep, not writhe in agony." He pats his lap. "Put your head here and I'll give you a scalp massage. Maybe it will help you doze or something."

Date: 2008-09-08 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam watched him for a moment, then shifted to do as he was told, resting his head in Hiro's lap.

Date: 2008-09-08 10:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro's fingers gently caress his scalp. After a few minutes, he begins to actually massage, every once in a while tugging his hair gently to stimulate more nerves. He's lost in thought, wondering for the millionth time what it must be like to live forever. He can't really imagine it. All those days gone by, seeing so many changes not from the perspective of reading about them at a later date, but actually living through them. How so many countries have changed their names, their borders. At least he won't be alone in the future. He has others now who have his ability.

Date: 2008-09-12 04:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam lets it sink in, the movement, the knowledge that today is going to be all right. Tomorrow might not, but today, he was here and Hiro was here, and he tries very hard just to hold on to that while the light massage started to make him relax.

Date: 2008-09-13 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro is not tired at all. After a little while, his fingers move down to massage Adam's neck and as much of his shoulders as he can. If Adam falls asleep, he will cover him with the comforter.

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Adam Monroe

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