[MGW] 83. Today

[changehistory]

It was all he could concentrate on, truly. Just today, just this breath, just this moment.

If he thought about the past, he could feel the coffin still, close around him. Reaching back he found the cold air on a rooftop, the shock in brown eyes, the fall, the crash, the smell and feel of blood and pain. Further, there were thirty years, the taste of betrayal as father followed in his son's footsteps. There was a reverse legacy there that shadowed his centuries, stretching out its arm to touch everything he tried to do.

If he thought of the future, he felt a tremor of fear run over him. There was too much history, too much darkness, too much they had to overcome. Betrayal, death, darkness, loss. They couldn't go back to those times when they just were together in the sun, in an unspoiled world, with Hiro's hero worship, and his struggling to be the man the boy saw when he looked at him. They could simulate it, perhaps, but they couldn't really go back. He wasn't Kensei anymore, and the things he'd done had changed the boy he knew when he was, in just a short time. He'd driven Hiro to do things that he could feel shattering that sweet, enthusiastic soul. If he looked too far in the future, followed the lines of the changes that could happen...it was the same shadow with no sense of how to change it.

So he concentrated on today. On now. On the rise and fall of Hiro's chest as he slept fitfully next to him. On getting through the day without lashing out, hurting him again. On staying, not walking out the door and away from the tangled mess they were together. On not taking the final step, for either of them.

It was all he could do, and if he let himself think about tomorrow at all, he only allowed it to be a prayer that it would go as well as today.

Comments

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

"I would sing you a lullaby to help, but you want to sleep, not writhe in agony." He pats his lap. "Put your head here and I'll give you a scalp massage. Maybe it will help you doze or something."

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam watched him for a moment, then shifted to do as he was told, resting his head in Hiro's lap.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Hiro's fingers gently caress his scalp. After a few minutes, he begins to actually massage, every once in a while tugging his hair gently to stimulate more nerves. He's lost in thought, wondering for the millionth time what it must be like to live forever. He can't really imagine it. All those days gone by, seeing so many changes not from the perspective of reading about them at a later date, but actually living through them. How so many countries have changed their names, their borders. At least he won't be alone in the future. He has others now who have his ability.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam lets it sink in, the movement, the knowledge that today is going to be all right. Tomorrow might not, but today, he was here and Hiro was here, and he tries very hard just to hold on to that while the light massage started to make him relax.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Hiro is not tired at all. After a little while, his fingers move down to massage Adam's neck and as much of his shoulders as he can. If Adam falls asleep, he will cover him with the comforter.