changehistory: (Intense)
[personal profile] changehistory
I thank Thee that many of my prayers have been refused. I have asked amiss and do not have, I have prayed from lusts and been rejected, I have longed for Egypt and been given a wilderness. Go on with Thy patient work, answering 'no' to my wrongful prayers, and fitting me to accept it.*

There was no catechism left, no pageantry, no mystery. Not that I knew them, for Cromwell came to power before I could differentiate or feel the loss. There were hard pews and hard stares, and cold rooms in winter and hot rooms in summer, with nothing to bring any bodily relief from the press of humanity as we sought to elevate our souls. There were quirts falling sharp when words stumbled for in pain was purification and in debasement was deliverance. The flesh was weak. The men who visited our mothers were proof of that. The flesh was wickedness. We were the fruit of temptresses like the serpent in the garden, twisting men from the path. The world fell in the mire and there would be no rejoicing until He came once more.

I lost all faith in my god, in his religion too
I told the angels they could sing their songs to someone new
I lost all trust in my friends
I watched my heart turn to stone
I thought that I was left to walk this wicked world alone**


The theatres reopened, and women trod the stage. The brands that burned her skin were cast fully into the fires to shod the returned monarch's horses. Then another fire sparked from a baker's banked oven and hellfire raged across a sinful city, wiping out the old to make way for the new. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust and there was nothing left of any of them to place in a pauper's grave. The ship wound itself away from a city, and I didn't look back.

I confess my sin, my frequent sin, my willful sin; all my powers of body and soul are defiled: a fountain of pollution is deep within my nature. There are chambers of foul images within my being; I have gone from one odious room to another, walked in a no-man's-land of dangerous imaginations, pried into the secrets of my fallen nature. I am utterly ashamed that I am what I am in myself; I have no green shoot in me nor fruit, but thorns and thistles; I am a fading leaf that the wind drives away; I live bare and barren as a winter tree, unprofitable, fit to be hewn down and burnt.*

Another fire, another loss, hell closing tight around and running over me, and yet I walked from the flames, strong and whole, cleansed and new, with nothing before me and the man I was lost in the dust. War came in the night, and death and blood at my hands. A pale horse with eyes of flame and ice stretching across the world, destruction trailing in my shadow, a world wilting in my wake. Aimless. Rootless. A man out of time, with no name, no country, no purpose, watching time slide itself by into an endless abyss darker than the reaches of the human soul.

And I had lost touch with reason
I watched life criticize the truth
Been waiting for a miracle
I know you have too**


They came, one by one, fashioned from dirt and breath, breathed into life by the force of the strands imprinting themselves on cells below the surface of what could be seen. Different. Special. Chosen. Godsend. A new man, a new being, emerging out of the dying pains of the old, shaping himself into something the world had not seen before. From the old will come the new in a flash of fire. The old self is put off, in its corruption and deceitful desire, renewed by the spirit, replaced by a new self made in the image of God.

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.*

From death comes life, and from sacrifice renewal. From chaos comes creation. When the Chosen one comes, and opens the six seals, it will usher in the millennium of peace, a world reborn, arising to paradise. Pure. Cleansed. Sanctified. Forever and ever, amen.

If I don’t believe in Jesus, how can I believe the pope?
If I don’t believe in heroin, how can I believe in dope?
If there’s nothing but survival, how can I believe in sin?
In a world that gives you nothing
We need something to believe in**



* From various Puritan prayers
**"Something to Believe In" - Jon Bon Jovi

Date: 2007-12-08 07:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
I like the weaving of Adam's Puritan background into his modern creation as a self-styled god. Despite all his assertions that he's rebuilding/rebuilt himself, he never can truly outrun the world that created him. Brilliant.

Date: 2007-12-08 07:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! :-) That's exactly what I was going for and I'm so glad it came across.

Date: 2007-12-08 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
It must have been quite the shock to him to not have to spend so many hours in a baking/freezing church when the Puritans got booted. To have the freedom to go do other things instead.

Date: 2007-12-08 07:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
I think he was probably about 17 at the time, so there was likely a shock, but he was probably half sneaking out sometimes anyway because he was a 17 year old boy and I doubt they've changed that much in 400 years. But there was no punishment for not being there, and that had to be a relief.

Date: 2007-12-08 07:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
True, boys will be boys (sometimes to women's misfortune). There might not have been punishment, per se, but I'm sure there was disapproval, which, depending on how much he wanted his family's approval either made much or no difference.

Date: 2007-12-08 08:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Yeah. There was extreme community pressure at least, if nothing else. So he was probably thrilled when it wasn't so necessary.

Date: 2007-12-08 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Yes, though it must have taken a few years for the attitudes to die out completely. Very strong religious beliefs tend to own a community. The teens/kids would be the first to break off, while the adults would be more resistant, generally.

Date: 2007-12-08 08:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
*nods* It probably helped he was in the slums, living among whores and thieves. That he got to go to school at all was his mother's pretensions to a middle class life they lost when his father left. Probably few of his neighbors cared when he stopped going to church as well.

Date: 2007-12-08 09:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Neighbors probably thought his mother was "putting on airs", which would have helped in his feelings of disenfranchisement with the church/community.

Date: 2007-12-08 09:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Yup. Very much so.

OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teleparkman.livejournal.com
Now that I'm actually awake...

Awesome. Very intense.

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Thanks! I think I've managed to put my brain back together, finally. lol

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teleparkman.livejournal.com
... Now I have an image of Matt and Adam cuddling, and it just doesn't work. *Laughs*

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
*falls over giggling at such an image* Adam just smirks. He'd say he doesn't cuddle, 'cept he was snuggling an upset Gabriel the other day and seems to do it quite a bit with Hiro.

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teleparkman.livejournal.com
Matt does cuddle. But he hates Adam too much. *laughs*

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teleparkman.livejournal.com
*giggles* He's like a big, cuddly teddybear cop.

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
He really is. I'm glad I've got my OC on his and Nathan's side to get to interact with him without the hatred at some point. lol

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Though she's still fighting me on backstory for the past year and changing her a bit for the Heroes 'verse. And swearing if I make her too dark she'll mutiny.

Re: OOC

Date: 2007-12-08 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teleparkman.livejournal.com
*Laughs* Characters. Can't live with 'em, can't have fun without 'em.

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