changehistory: (Hiro --More than a friend)
[personal profile] changehistory
It was all he could concentrate on, truly. Just today, just this breath, just this moment.

If he thought about the past, he could feel the coffin still, close around him. Reaching back he found the cold air on a rooftop, the shock in brown eyes, the fall, the crash, the smell and feel of blood and pain. Further, there were thirty years, the taste of betrayal as father followed in his son's footsteps. There was a reverse legacy there that shadowed his centuries, stretching out its arm to touch everything he tried to do.

If he thought of the future, he felt a tremor of fear run over him. There was too much history, too much darkness, too much they had to overcome. Betrayal, death, darkness, loss. They couldn't go back to those times when they just were together in the sun, in an unspoiled world, with Hiro's hero worship, and his struggling to be the man the boy saw when he looked at him. They could simulate it, perhaps, but they couldn't really go back. He wasn't Kensei anymore, and the things he'd done had changed the boy he knew when he was, in just a short time. He'd driven Hiro to do things that he could feel shattering that sweet, enthusiastic soul. If he looked too far in the future, followed the lines of the changes that could happen...it was the same shadow with no sense of how to change it.

So he concentrated on today. On now. On the rise and fall of Hiro's chest as he slept fitfully next to him. On getting through the day without lashing out, hurting him again. On staying, not walking out the door and away from the tangled mess they were together. On not taking the final step, for either of them.

It was all he could do, and if he let himself think about tomorrow at all, he only allowed it to be a prayer that it would go as well as today.

Date: 2008-05-09 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"And what did you think?" Adam asks, half curious.

He tenses against Hiro's arms, old wounds and newer ones mingling in a variety of ways. "Perhaps some things were never truly meant to be. It was a long time ago."

Date: 2008-05-10 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"I...could understand why one would feel that way, understand, especially in the arena of politics and war, why one would have to consider that kind of ruthlessness. I could be that ruthless, if I needed to, but I do not wish to be."

He feels Adam tense. "Yes, it was. And I will not bring it up again. Except to offer one last apology for my weakness."

Date: 2008-05-12 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"Sometimes it is for the best, to find that part of yourself," Adam murmurs, eyes far away again. "Only if you stay there for too long..."

There is rarely a way back.

He nods slightly at the apology, unable to say anything to it that won't come out harsher than he intends.

Date: 2008-05-13 12:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"...you find yourself swallowed by it. War will do that. It makes humans so entirely human and subhuman at the same time." War is not something he wants to involve himself in, but it may be unavoidable.

Hiro accepts the nod, knowing certain things still hurt. "Moonlight becomes you." It makes his pale skin silver.

Date: 2008-05-14 03:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"Not just war," Adam murmurs, again, a slight frown tugging his brows. Vengeance. Power games. Everything his life had been for so very long now.

He pulls back to the present enough to give Hiro a faint smile. "Does it?"

Date: 2008-05-14 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"No. Any arena where games are played."

Hiro smiles. "Your skin is so pale. The moonlight makes you look...ethereal."

Date: 2008-05-15 11:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"That's all arenas, carp," Adam says with a smile that has little humor in it.

He shakes it off, giving him a warmer smile, forcing it to his eyes. "Ethereal? I assure you, I am very much flesh and blood."

Date: 2008-05-16 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"Life is an arena?" His arena would be rather small.

"That is quite true, but the moon is making your skin an almost silver color. You look like someone from some elvish place."

Date: 2008-05-19 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"Yes," Adam says definitively.

His eyebrows go up at that, a bit more of a smile playing around his lips. "I don't think anyone's ever said that of me, though it's a very pretty notion."

Date: 2008-05-19 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"I suppose each of our arenas would contain weapons with which we're comfortable. I guess mine would be filled with video games." He's smiling at the thought of it.

"No one has ever seen that? Your skin remains as it has for all your life and no one has noticed how the moon makes it glow?"

Date: 2008-05-20 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam blushes at that, glancing down to look at his skin, to look at the glow of it and wonder, before shaking his head a bit.

"If anyone has seen it, they've never said it aloud."

Date: 2008-05-21 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"I can't imagine why not. It is a lovely sight." He leans his chin on Adam's shoulder. "Totemo utsukushi."

Very beautiful.

Date: 2008-05-22 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam smiles and shakes his head again. "Thank you, but perhaps you're a bit biased."

Date: 2008-05-23 01:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"And the rest of your lovers have been so objective?" Adam feels a smile caress his shoulderblades. "They didn't deserve you, if they can't see beauty."

Date: 2008-05-25 05:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam shrugs just a bit, lips curving some. "Perhaps they just were less fanciful."

Date: 2008-05-25 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"Mmm," Hiro sort of agrees. His lips ghost over the silver skin. Adam's in a strange mood tonight and he's not sure how to handle it.

Date: 2008-05-27 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam finally turns from the window in his arms, looking down at Hiro with an odd expression on his face. "It's late..."

Date: 2008-05-28 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"Are you tired? I have no desire to sleep right now." He knows Adam stays up a great deal. It must be frustrating to have to deal with people who have to sleep so often.

Date: 2008-05-28 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
"No," he says quietly. "Or at least not sleepy. Tired is likely a relative term."

Date: 2008-05-29 12:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
"Do you want a massage? I can do that." He really doesn't want to go back to sleep. He doesn't want to dream that dream again.

Date: 2008-06-04 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam's smile flashes for just a moment, a touch dark and sad, then gone. "If you'd like, I won't say 'no', but..." His mood was still dancing around the darker edges, restless, unsure of just what he was doing anymore.

Date: 2008-06-04 10:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro stands and takes Adam's hand, leading him to the bed. He motions for Adam to lie down as he goes into the bathroom for some lotion.

Date: 2008-06-17 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
He moves slowly, stretching out across the bed and letting his eyes fall closed. The darkness is, at least, under control, but he can feel it there, that brush of madness that's lingered for too many years, that he keeps so contained except sometimes on sleepless nights.

Date: 2008-06-18 01:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] powered-otaku.livejournal.com
Hiro comes out of the bathroom with the lotion. He squirts some on this hand and rubs them to warm it before he kneels over Adam's thighs. His hands begin slowly, long strokes over Adam's back muscles before he begins to work on Adam's shoulders, fingers gently taking apart his muscles.

Date: 2008-06-24 05:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changehistory.livejournal.com
Adam sighs, trying to let the tension ease, even as part of him fights, perversely. It can't be so easy, so welcoming. He can't just sink into something after all they've been through. His brain keeps flying, going hard, even as his body betrays him, relaxing under the touches.

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